Old habits die screaming?


Some people burn bridges easier than others. Some people cut ties just like cutting butter. Some people forget things like they never even existed. Some people walk out at the first glance of disrespect or unappreciation. Some people don't let themselves create memories that might glue them to places they want to flee.
Those people are me. 
Force of a habit, I bolt. Force of a habit, I never let go. Unexpectedly, all of that has changed. Now, I want to stay, and I want to work things out. Now, I care about someone else's day even if mine was shitty. Now, I truly listen to someone else's story with a never seen before enthusiasm. Now, I want to let go of my strictly obnoxious control. Now, I want to build the bridges up from the ground. Now, I want to hold my horses and give you time to figure your shit out and decide on your own that this is something you want to jump on board with and I don't care if it happens in a week, month, or even a year. I don't want to cut you off, I'd never want that under any circumstance, I'd never have the emotional capacity to do it, I'd rather die. The thought of the possibility of having dementia at any point in my future has become even more frightening; I don't want to forget whatever we might have; dramatic too much, right? I want to create millions of memories with you, and I want them to be shown in a slideshow, nonstop, in my mind. I'd actually be very lucky if I ever was glued to you whether it was emotionally or physically, yeah, I'd love that; to be able to feel your presence every minute of the day will be so damn cute. FYI, this is so not like me in any way, but I guess you bring the best version of me out, you made me realize that I can show sympathy, that I can be empathetic, that I still can feel so much in my heart for someone, you made me feel like I exist, like I'm alive, like there's so much to look forward to, like I don't have to die alone; like if push comes to shove, I'll have you by my side.

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