Tasneem writes

https://youtu.be/fFrb3U_8VzI?si=tFHewErziMyrscjZ  Is it really true that it's better to feel pain than being numb?  No, it isn't. I would choose being numb over anything else, I would choose to stay at the plateau phase of the curve over going through its ups and down. I would ignore the fact that these ups and downs are what shape you and are what life is really all about. The only problem is that staying in the plateau creates a routine and having a routine leads to the dilemma of "attached strings". I always say, "no strings attached", I'm a free soul, I don't like being tied to any place or anyone but routine throws all of that down the drain.  Attachment is a curse; it makes you vulnerable and vulnerability makes you weak. It's only a few days and I already can sense the smell of my shell being dissolved and I can hear the sound of my walls coming down, I'm living my worst nightmare, and the most viscous part is that I can't wake up,...

https://youtu.be/e_msRq3c1z8?si=WNMhLdnko3Tbna28 Some people burn bridges easier than others. Some people cut ties just like cutting butter. Some people forget things like they never even existed. Some people walk out at the first glance of disrespect or unappreciation. Some people don't let themselves create memories that might glue them to places they want to flee. Those people are me.  Force of a habit, I bolt. Force of a habit, I never let go. Unexpectedly, all of that has changed. Now, I want to stay, and I want to work things out. Now, I care about someone else's day even if mine was shitty. Now, I truly listen to someone else's story with a never seen before enthusiasm. Now, I want to let go of my strictly obnoxious control. Now, I want to build the bridges up from the ground. Now, I want to hold my horses and give you time to figure your shit out and decide on your own that this is something you want to jump on board with and I don't care if it happens in a week...

  https://youtu.be/yqX7NtzThgg?si=qtO_6GlXmYoCP4q8 Most blessings are taken for granted; you never really appreciate them until you're deprived of them. Being believed in by someone is a whole 'nother story. You don't know how big of a blessing it is until someone comes along and believes in you; it makes you look around and see how much you've been missing on. It's a huge thing, it drives you thousands of miles fueled by the words of someone; it can get you where you want to go faster and easier. The look of being proud on their faces or the sense of being proud of you in their tone is stronger than meth. You won't know that until you experience it, and life won't be the same anymore. If I ever got to have that, I wish I can recognize that it's happening to me and have the guts to be thankful for it and be able to keep it.

  https://youtu.be/xWnOqEdogGA?si=wOzspCJXCGwayo9A Closing a chapter and being done with it is bittersweet, you know it's the right thing to do, you've done your healing and you're ready to move on, but you know you'll miss every little bit of it. The familiarity of your past and the fact that it can't surprise you or catch you off guard anymore makes it feel safer and home-like. Even though you did the hardest part, which is healing, letting go of the rough ropes that keep cutting your hands seem impossible because even if you did, you'll always have the scar, but you know deep in your bones that it is time to go, it's time to pull the plug on that relationship. You'll come out of the other side of this like a brand-new person but ornamented with a very precious lesson.

  https://youtu.be/nnX1Xz1pHUM?si=yZWYzE2INv8y_We4 Yes, people bond through trauma, but they do that subconsciously. You don't choose someone who's traumatized because there's something wrong with you, in fact, you're trying to protect yourself from any future possible danger because when you're traumatized, you don't always seek empathy from others, but you seek full understanding and who can understand what you've been through more than someone who's been there too!  You might think that they will know for sure what it feels like to be put in a traumatizing situation because they walked in your shoes before and so you will be safe UNTIL you find out that you're not on the same page regarding past trauma and both of you didn't walk out the same door. Your trauma made you defensive while theirs made them viscous. Now, you're running away again but only this time, with more fears, triggers and determination to be defensive, with less trusting ...

 Would you take it all back? If you had the chance to go back in time and unlive this experience, would you do it? I wouldn't.  The younger version of me was nothing like who I am today and that's totally normal. You grow up and you change but no one actually tells you how you will change or what will change you, right?  They don't tell you about the abandonment that you'll suddenly experience, and you will be expected to know how to come out of it like it never happened at a very young age. They never mention how sick people are and how every single person you once respected and spoke so highly of will try to take advantage of you and your effort. They never walked you through the betrayal of those who were the closest to you and how they didn't think twice before pulling that trigger on you and then exposing your wounds to the world like a trophy. They didn't tell you how to stay afloat when the ship was sinking, and you were the one who rushed to help everyon...

  https://youtu.be/rexeYSFj6Fg?si=U-1v3RDShKP6AmS1 All my life, I've struggled with belonging, whether it was to a place or to someone and I've always felt like I was bigger than any place, I've never felt contained and I was always restless, chasing something I don't even know until that one moment. The whole world was quiet, and I felt finally at peace like I've reached the finish line of a very long race, like wait! I don't need to hold my breath anymore!!I'm not gasping for air!! I'm a part of something bigger than me!! Hold on, I'm neither a loner nor alone!!!! I thought I'd never know what that is like. This moment was my long-awaited break from the constant state of being sympathetically alerted. I swear I could feel my cortisol sighing like, where have you been! I can finally wait, look around, take it all in, take a deep breath, feel something, let it all go, turn off my loud thoughts, put my brain on don't disturb mode, inject a hyp...

https://youtu.be/gu0_ixJMx5U?si=pXoWgqIkVgKVo6dg  A few years ago, I heard the line of "The things I do for love" by Jaime Lannister and I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since. How many times have I did things that didn't live up to my standards for the sake of those I love? How many times have I lost myself in the process? How much pain did I have to endure for them? The answer to those questions and even so much more is, incomprehensible number of times and indescribable amount.  This was the reddest red flag in the history of red flags because there was no place to draw the line of my sacrifices. my idea of love was so distorted and terribly influenced. I thought that people only love you as much as you give them, and it never occurred to me how stupid that was because I never loved anyone that was, I thought it was demeaning to reduce your feelings for someone to how much they're giving or doing for you; people should be loved for who they are solely. ...

  https://youtu.be/j3nRzZXq3TA?si=hjqWynfSSyqD9wbk Things can get heavy; you'll find yourself buried deep under 6 hundred feet of emotions. There's always a way out, you didn't choose to see it yet. There's a silver lining, you won't feel its impact until the very right moment. Things are going according to plan, it's not your plan. You're so small and yet the whole picture isn't a whole without you.