I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

 Would you take it all back? If you had the chance to go back in time and unlive this experience, would you do it?

I wouldn't.

 The younger version of me was nothing like who I am today and that's totally normal. You grow up and you change but no one actually tells you how you will change or what will change you, right? 

They don't tell you about the abandonment that you'll suddenly experience, and you will be expected to know how to come out of it like it never happened at a very young age. They never mention how sick people are and how every single person you once respected and spoke so highly of will try to take advantage of you and your effort. They never walked you through the betrayal of those who were the closest to you and how they didn't think twice before pulling that trigger on you and then exposing your wounds to the world like a trophy. They didn't tell you how to stay afloat when the ship was sinking, and you were the one who rushed to help everyone out. They didn't train you to help others get through hardships. They didn't warn you about what those 7 years will do to you psychologically. What about the nightmares? did they tell you how frequent they will be? how terrible will they be? how life-like can they get? NO.

They took a seat and enjoyed the show, enjoyed how different you got, how cold-hearted you became, how emotionless you grew. That's kind of predictable but what wasn't on my bingo card is that I would be blamed for how I chose to mend what they broke. 

The point is that I don't want to be defined by the abandonment or the betrayal, I don't want that to be my story, I'm much more than that. I'm trying to rewrite the story and make it more about what I've done and what I've been doing not about what was done to me.

I'm not ungrateful. I know God was by my side every step of the way and I wouldn't change a thing, I'm proud of the person I became. I just wish there was an easier way into adulthood, a way where I can learn those lessons without being scarred and carrying that heavy baggage on my back.


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